I am who I am.
A stubborn boy with a simple mind.
A lonely guy with a lot of thought.
A radical fighter with a coward heart.
I wish I were Courage, that brave dog.
But apparently I was born as who I am, and I have to deal with that.
It is done. I have just ended my story in an organization. A story which started around three years ago. It was scary at first when the thought crossed my mind. I had no assurance that I will ever earned another stable job in the future. I had to leave the people I have worked with for years. But my role was diminishing and the company would eventually need me no more in the reorganization.
I made my decision. I crossed my Rubicon and I could only march forward.
For the friends I have there, well, I will not sugarcoat it by saying something like “it’s not a farewell, but see you again”. It is a farewell. And let’s be frank, it is likely that we will never meet again.
To Karta and Agnes, it pains me to tell you that you are my bane. You are the constant reminder of my failure and my unworthiness. And it has nothing to do with what you did to me. You simply did your best at your work and you got acknowledged while I was deemed as a disappointment. It is a lot more shameful for me because you both are so nice to me. Part of the reason I left is to get my confidence back so that I can see you both as a peer in the future. Sorry and good bye!
To Shirayuki, I just don’t get you. I thought we were close friends. I was going to confide my resignation plan to you earlier than to anyone else but you suddenly turned a cold shoulder to me. Then I found my gift for you returned without any explanation. You also ignored me for days. And in my farewell dinner, you just acted as if nothing happened. I have no idea how things changed between us and I cannot understand. For what it’s worth, there was a time when I pictured us being in a serious relationship. I think you are smart, attractive, frank, and you can lift up the mood wherever you are. I hope you can take care of your health and be genuinely happy. I wish you all the best in your life. Farewell!
But worry not, I am joining a new organization on January 2018 with similar jobdesk and similar pay. My old shuunin arranged it for me. So, maybe 2018 is going to be another exciting adventure.
Yesterday was quite a funny day. My father asked me to take a leave from work to have a family trip to Bandung. Packed in a car for hours is not really my favorite activity and so I told him I have important task at work, which was not entirely a lie since “important” is quite subjective. When the day came, a colleague in my team, who has the only access to SAP in my team, unexpectedly took a sick leave. Guess what, I was the only one who had the note on how he made his report and his access. So, fortunately I decided to skip my family trip.
And last Sunday, I spurred myself to play Dota 2 against unknown people. This time without any aid from my friends. I played Medusa, and after a couple of minutes in the game, two members of my team got disconnected. A couple of minutes later, all of my team mates were gone. I was playing SOLO. What happened then? I got my first blood and killed one more afterwards. I have never, in my Dota 2 history, made any solo kill before. In the end I was lost, but I lost with pride and story to tell.
At last, I have done the subbing process of Canale no Madobe. Special thanks and heartfelt apology to Tomomi who has been really really helpful in translating and explaining the lyrics and also waiting very very long for this release, which the blame is totally on my side m(>_<)m.
Anyway, it is another great song from Negicco. Calm and comforting melody, suitable to accompany your lazy evening. I think the lyric is quite sad, hinting that the singer has been left by her lover. But being sung in a cheerful mood by Negicco made me think like they meant to cheer those who felt that way. “It’s sad, we know, but it’s okay! Remember it as good memory and move forward!”, something like that. And it also has some Niigata hint (the city described is possibly Niigata according to Tomomi).
I also want to apologize for the MV quality degradation. I still do not understand what part of my subbing process caused it, maybe the sub burning activity.
[Sorry that I have been away for a long time, people!]
But, alas, I cannot promise you that I will be a lot more active after this post. Gomen gomen.
A little update on my life:
My Boss has just resigned. What a bummer! I think we were just started to consolidate and found out our shape of organization, but then he got a surprise for us. I understand though that his workload was inhumane and pretty menial; it would have been unjust to ask him to stay and live such kind of life longer. Sayonara, Shunin! Thus, here I am, going back to a limbo with unclear responsibility and career path.
My latest subbing project, which was started on December 2016, is still not done yet. I am planning to finish it soon. Really soon! I owe a lot to Tomomi-san who has done the translation on December and now waiting for me…for 6 months…
I got a lot more active in playing multiplayer games with my old friends, but at the same time less attached to my co-workers. Well, what can I say, it’s definitely cheaper to gather online than a Friday night meetup at a restaurant in Jakarta.
These previous weeks, I had the spare time to read a book given to me by my mentor-who-went-away-to-England-and-never-contact-me-anymore-since-then titled “Too Busy Not to Pray” by Bill Hybels. There is an interesting point in a section of that book, which addresses one cause one does not ask for a particular thing in one’s prayer; one’s disbelief on the ability of the wish grantor. He shared his story of how he had never asked his father to bring peace on earth, because of his knowledge that his father has no power to do so.
It points out an interesting question for me; is it the same with me? I do not think I have ever prayed for world peace or things like that. I did pray for hunger relief in the past, but that was in a mass prayer which the person on stage urged us to. Am I questioning God’s ability in those grand matters? I wonder.
One of the reasons I am not quitting my current job is that my job provides me with means to purchase things I could not ask from my parents; like idol goods.
I bought a surprise package from a fellow Indonesian fan of Morning Musume. It was a Kamei Eri package and it is understandable if you never heard of her. She was a member of “old” Morning Musume, entering at the same time with Sayumi, and graduated on 2010. Now let’s take a look at the contents:
Back (her photo with Japanese scribbles my google translate unable to comprehend)
Inside (her name card with a congratulatory message (?))
Concert Name Tag? From 10 years ago!
Morning Musume Card; is she supposed to be the queen card? Or joker?
“If you spend your time thinking “I want to become happy, I want to become happy…“
You’ll spend the rest of your days just thinking about how you want to become happy.
But if you think “ah, I’m so happy“? You’ll always be happy.”