Hi, it’s me again. A 21 years old, still single, last year student of a well-known university, a disgraced caretaker of a particular religion fellowship, a despised head of an organization. I’ve successfully accumulated quite a significant amount of acquaintances and fewer, compared to the former, but a lot more loyal to their cause, foes. I’m quite good at hurting people’s feelings and making trouble has always been my habit. It might sound cocky, but I’m quite popular now, not in a good way though; people greet me at public places but viciously defame me in whispers to each other when I’m not around. It’s not comfortable, but it’s alright. I’ve come unappreciated, blamed for almost everything, and vilified, but I’m still here, with tears I may not show, I refused to quit. If these people need a Hitler to crucify, then let me fill that role. I’ve taken a burden nobody desired, and I’m living each day enduring the pain. I might sound excessively grim, but that’s how I feel, and this is my world, so I kinda have this kind of prerogative. I’ve been trying my whole life living in a standard the society put, heeding their not-to-cross-lines, trying to look though and strong, so please give me a rest from those kind of you’re-too-melodramatic critique, at least this one time, let me be as “drama queen” as I want.
People I’ve helped yesterday are my bitter enemies today, and my bitter enemies yesterday are my loyal friends today; funny human; weird life. I realized that I trust those I interact less with, or those kind of people who I think will just be around for a while in my life; I trust more secret to a person whom I’ve physically met less than five times than a “religious sibling” who’d sworn to keep my secret secret and I’ve met routinely for years; I trust smokers, slackers, and outcasts more than those righteous people. Something is wrong with me. I love being around people who don’t really ask about my life and just want to be around me to have fun; they make me feel safe in a funny way. A particular clique of mine is going to a BFF mode, and it creeps me out; I’m not even sure I want to be around them forever, heck, I’m not even sure I want to be around any single life form forever.
I was once an avid reader, now I’m just a miniature of that person; I can’t read for long; and I don’t write much anymore. My vocabulary is declining. However, this I assure you, no matter how long the hiatus will be, I will not shut down this world of mine, unless the Supreme Being has something else in mind.
So, keep checking in once in a while, mein Volk!