The MV-s in My Turbulent Months

This post will be quite short. I just want to share the Music Videos which have accompanied me since the period of resignation planning until the early months at new workplace.

1. “Mystery of Life” (2006) by the cast of Ribbon no Kishi The Musical

I always prefer certainty over speculation and the thought of having a job other than the one I have been having for years is really scary. What will happen to me? What if I got unemployed? What if I like not my new workplace? The future was really scary and I was really frightened to leave my old company. But there is this part of this song that encouraged me:

Romaji:

wakaranai kara tanoshii no yo
wakaranai kara ikite yuku no
oshienaide oshienaide jibun de sagasu kara
Mystery of Life!

English:

Because I don’t know, it’s fun
Because I don’t know, I keep on living
Don’t tell me, don’t tell me, I’ll find it on my own
Mystery of Life!

“You know what? Maybe it will be fun, this leapt into unknown territory.” It kind of eased my aversion to uncertainty.

2. “Wakain da shi” (2017) by Morning Musume ’17

This MV is the last MV for Kudo Haruka as a member of Morning Musume. In a sense, she made a daring decision almost similar to mine; she decided to graduate from the idol group. The whole song talked about being brave in facing the future because “you are young anyway (wakain da shi)”. “Maybe it is right. I am still young. I still have time. The magnitude of the impact I will be facing if I quit today is far smaller than if I quit in my old days. Let’s get a taste of resigning!”, those were what I thought when watched this MV that time.

3. “Hanya Lihat ke Depan” (2016) by JKT48

This song accompanied me in my early months of working at the new place. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I will not deny that I got stressed out having to fit to a new environment. This song was really relevant for me and I listened to it in a loop for encouragement. I prefer the JKT48 version to AKB48 version (前しか向かねえ) because it sounds less like a lovers’ break-up song and more about facing new reality.

Bahasa Indonesia:

Hanya lihat ke depan ‘tuk terakhir kalinya
Biarkan ku tampil dengan keren
Walau aku masih takut
Pada tempat yang baru
Tidak ada kata mundur

English:

Gotta face forward
At least, in the end
Let me go out with dignity
My new world
Scares me, but
There’s no going back now

This part of the song really speak to me.

So, what do you think? I hope they can also encourage you in your turbulent days.

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Pickpocket Team is at large in Transjakarta?

It was another cold and wet day today. Gratefully, I had my jacket with me.

Interesting thing happened today. I was waiting for my bus at the crowded bus stop. But when the bus arrived, we were not allowed to walk in and there was a body and bag search for everyone walking out. It appeared that a poor soul had fallen victim to a pickpocket.

Another bus rolled in and, fortunately, we could enter normally. Nothing seemed notable until a couple minutes later a man shouted, “my phone is gone!”. Thus, the ruckus started.

Such incident reminds me of the day I lost my phone in a bus years ago. Never got it back. People telling me who they thought was the culprit and how I should have done this and that to prevent the incident are not really helpful.

Well, be vigilant on the bus, folks!

Foggy Eyeglasses

Often, when I walked out of the bus, my eyeglasses turned foggy, especially on a rainy day. So foggy that I cannot see what is in front of me. It irritated me. I considered putting anti-fog coating or simply takes of my glasses on the bus.

But recently, I somehow learnt to enjoy the experience.

“Ah, I wonder why is this happening?”

“Is it somekind of magic?”

“Haha it’s so white I can see nothing”

“It’s winter in Jakarta!”

Thoughts like that cross my mind.

Before I realized it, I have been waiting for the moment I can get my glasses fogged again just for that bit of awkward entertainment.

In this stage of my life, I still find fun in such trivial matter.

I can’t help it 🙂

Welcoming the Ephemerality of Life

I came across a quote by Alexander Pushkin in my idle time at office.

“It’s a lucky man who leaves early from life’s banquet, before he’s drained to the dregs his goblet – full of wine; yes, it’s a lucky man who has not read life’s novel to the end, but has been wise enough to part with it abruptly – like me with my Onegin.”
― Alexander Pushkin, Eugene Onegin

And I cannot hold to draw a parallel with the words of Soe Hok Gie.

“The best fate is to never have been born, second is to be born but die young, and the most unfortunate of all is to [reach] old age. This feels pretty right: Happy are those who die young.”-Soe Hok Gie

For me, it is interesting that they do not talk expansively and directly about death. They are talking about life. They acknowledged that life is ephemeral and not only it is OK, it is a welcomed fact. Rather than saying: “enjoy your life, it is short”, they are actually saying:”short life is awesome, long life sucks”. Pretty crazy, right? I am not sure though what is it that makes living long dreadful. Is it the suffering that might come in the old age? Why a drained goblet is a sign of unfortunate condition? Is it the hangover coming afterwards? Is it because life is so boring or so dreadful that you need the wine to make it bearable and now, after the loss of the wine, the “real” life starts? Why did they not consider a possibility of happy life as an elder?

It is confusing, but it is also exciting to guess and contemplate about what they were feeling when they wrote it and what did they try to convey.

What do you think?

Damsel in Distress in a Public Transport

This story happened a couple months ago. It looked like another routine commuting morning. I was in my usual morning train heading to the place where I would toil until dusk. The assumed regularity of the morning was thwarted after a brief stop at Tanah Abang, as a woman sitting beside me informed a younger lady in front of her of the condition of the lady’s sling bag which was unzipped. The lady, who was previously unaware of it, frantically checked her bag and sadly concluded that she had lost her cellphone.

She was clearly panicked and started to sob while trying to ask a middle-aged woman beside her for help to contact her family. This middle-aged woman kept telling the younger lady to wait for some moment while appeared to do some setting with her phone, but I could see from her screen that she was just opening and closing her WhatsApp repeatedly.

Thus, I lend my phone and let her called her family. Never did that before. I felt like a knight-in-shining-armour (phone?) haha

A Reminder of a Blessing

Today is the birthday of a senior I respected. We were in the same high school, but I remember not whether we ever met in high school. I do remember that I met him at my university.

Actually, I knew it is his birthday because of a Facebook notification haha.. so it was not like I put an effort to remind myself about it at all. We were not that close. Infact, I remember not talking to him at all after his graduation. But I respected him for his leadership; he was brash, but calm under pressure and decisive.

I will not talk too much about him in this post. It is not an obituary haha..

Everytime I remember about him, it reminds me of an event in the past. I was a first semester freshman in my uni, and I had been looking for an event which I could join as committee member to provide me with organisational experience. Unfortunately, I was regularly rejected haha.. But in an eventful day, I suddenly got dragged (kidnapped?) by this stranger-i-don’t-know-but-acting-overly-friendly to his event recruitment booth and somehow signed me up without much explanation. It was a funny experience. And I finally joined my first commitee, just like that.

Looking at it, it serves as a reminder of a regular cycle of blessing in my life: failed after effort then suddenly successful without effort haha.. I think I rarely earned anything in my life through my effort; most of them are granted.

Thank you for your help in the past, Mr.Gautama! Thank you for reminding me of how blessed I am!

I Quit My Company

It is done. I have just ended my story in an organization. A story which started around three years ago. It was scary at first when the thought crossed my mind. I had no assurance that I will ever earned another stable job in the future. I had to leave the people I have worked with for years. But my role was diminishing and the company would eventually need me no more in the reorganization.

I made my decision. I crossed my Rubicon and I could only march forward.

For the friends I have there, well, I will not sugarcoat it by saying something like “it’s not a farewell, but see you again”. It is a farewell. And let’s be frank, it is likely that we will never meet again.

To Karta and Agnes, it pains me to tell you that you are my bane. You are the constant reminder of my failure and my unworthiness. And it has nothing to do with what you did to me. You simply did your best at your work and you got acknowledged while I was deemed as a disappointment. It is a lot more shameful for me because you both are so nice to me. Part of the reason I left is to get my confidence back so that I can see you both as a peer in the future. Sorry and good bye!

To Shirayuki, I just don’t get you. I thought we were close friends. I was going to confide my resignation plan to you earlier than to anyone else but you suddenly turned a cold shoulder to me. Then I found my gift for you returned without any explanation. You also ignored me for days. And in my farewell dinner, you just acted as if nothing happened. I have no idea how things changed between us and I cannot understand. For what it’s worth, there was a time when I pictured us being in a serious relationship. I think you are smart, attractive, frank, and you can lift up the mood wherever you are. I hope you can take care of your health and be genuinely happy. I wish you all the best in your life. Farewell!

But worry not, I am joining a new organization on January 2018 with similar jobdesk and similar pay. My old shuunin arranged it for me. So, maybe 2018 is going to be another exciting adventure.